A Rant on Shady SEOs and Guaranteed First Page Rankings
Turn back if you’re easily offended by rough language.
I curse like Blake (Alec Baldwin) in Glengarry Glen Ross when I get annoyed. And I get annoyed when honest and well-intentioned companies like yours get taken by a bunch of shady basement-dwellers that professionally refer to themselves as “SEOs”, or search engine optimizers.
I swear, these are the kids that got picked last to be on the playground kickball team and now, since the arrival of the Internet, they are hell bent on exacting their revenge on society.
You know who I’m talking about. They have your business on speed dial. And at some point--some of you--succumbed to their too-good-to-be true guarantees.
If you haven’t figured it out already: It’s all bullshit.
I can say this because our agency takes calls every week from the suckers who’ve been taken by these shit-slingers. (If you’re one of the "suckers" I’m referring to, just know I mean it in a well-intentioned way :-)
No joke, at least once each week we hear from a green industry company who finally realizes their hard-earned dollars have gone to waste.
Stop spending your money with these shysters!
“But wait! They guarantee our company top rankings in the search results!” the suckers say, “And they send us a really neat report every month!”
I know, I know. They guarantee rankings and they guarantee a certain number of inbound links each month. And they send you pretty reports every month. All for the super-low-you’re-neglecting-your-business-if-you-don’t-take-advantage-price of $500 per month.
Do you know which keywords they guarantee a high ranking for? It’s usually a handful of keywords you’re already ranking for or that you could easily optimize for yourself!
Do you know how they are getting you the inbound links? Honestly, you probably don’t want to know what sites are linking to you or where your website address is plastered online. The truth would make you throw up on your boots.
Did you know those neat reports are automatically generated and your SEO company isn’t spending a second looking at them? Why would they? They don’t give a shit about you or your business.
If you’re paying someone $500/month and they are not either creating meaningful content or managing a paid search campaign for you, you’re getting screwed.
It’s really that simple, folks.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t give money to people who don’t give a shit about my business.
Now FIRE that shady, basement-dwelling SEO before you make another payment!